Basketball shorts are a feminist conspiracy!
[Posted to a Green Party list by my friend Kalmran Alavi. Note: I got this as ASCII text, I’m sure the bolded text version would have been even more amusing. -Thomas]
Hi everyone,
This is not a joke. This Manteca (means LARD in spanish, population 55,000+) is a town only 70 miles east of San Francisco. If you find this hard to believe, they had published a bunch of letters to the editor that said if the Sikhs are victims of hate crimes, it is a consequence of their own choices and went on to say that if they do not want to be victims they should convert to Christianity.
Now the Feminist Conspiracy:
Hi everyone,
Below are two actual letters that were printed in the Manteca Bulletin last week. The first one you’ll see (including the bold type) was written by a local resident and former city council candidate. The reply was written by me. Although this man’s comments about homosexuals and women are repugnant and deserved no reply at all, I chose to have a little fun with a scary man. It is truly amazing how neo-conservatism has become so ridiculous but I think you’ll manage to get a smile out of it.
Dave Brown in Manteca!
***
Note: Dennis, have you been shaving your derrière again?
I’ve been wondering for quite some time just who or what feminist minded, homosexual, designer decided that our boys and young men should wear dress-like, swishy, culotte-style, knee-length, basketball shorts? I wonder if any of the players have ever questioned this ridiculous looking attire? Am I the only one that finds this look absurd? In many publications and on TV, there are many examples of this fad which exemplify what must have been originally intended for girls.
I wonder if any parents have questioned what must surely be a deferral to the girls in this feeble attempt at “equality”? It isn’t enough that a lot of girls are being raised like boys, but most boys are dressing like girls on the athletic field!
Isn’t it about time for fathers to find their testicles and start setting a better example? Isn’t it about time that the mothers insist that their sons stop wearing kulottes? These girly basketball “shorts” are really the limit! It’s time to assert masculine values and bring about some semblance of balance in this society. Men and good women have allowed the feminist imperative to largely take over and cow them into politically correct silence (no pun intended)! Isn’t it about time to trim this ship before it capsizes? It may seem like a minor issue, what style of shorts the boys wear, but it isn’t. Symbols are powerful. While some may say, “that’s what they’re doing now”; this goes far beyond fashion. This is a power grab! They aren’t satisfied with just acting and being dominant, they’ve gotten the boys to dress like girls!
It is more than obvious that a not too subtle move is afoot to bring about a matriarchal order. The seemingly minor gestures toward equality are bringing about a far less than equal system. We see how an extreme interpretation of Title IX has begun to wreck some college sports programs for men. It would appear that dominance rather than equality has been the result on many campuses. If achieving equality means the destruction of men’s programs then achieving equality isn’t the real purpose. Title IX requires that half of the college sports programs be female but in order to achieve this fifty percent parity in some cases the men’s teams have been eliminated because not enough women are coming out for sports. This of course will not stand, but is a perfect example of how feminism has run amok. Extremism to bring about balance is hysterical.
Some girls have been raised to believe that acting rough and boyish is a good thing, a kind of equality. Fine. This too shall change. But in the mean time, the feministic social engineers had better leave the boys alone. I wonder if there are even any masculine looking athletic shorts available anymore? I’m sure there are many girls who’d simply love them!
Steven J. Catalano
Manteca, USA
——-and here’s the reply….——-
Dennis Wyatt,
This is an open declaration to men of the world. It is true that Steven J. Catalano has exposed our great culotte conspiracy but it is of no consequence. He is but one voice, and we feminist, homosexual designers are everywhere and have infiltrated every aspect of society. We will slowly impose our quirky brand of gender neutral fashions in colors other than blue and black everywhere!
It does remain a mystery to us how Mr. (for now) Catalano uncovered our plan. We have spent almost every waking moment since the mid sixties quietly conditioning heterosexual males not to notice anything but the food on their plates. We have been so successful in our methods that almost no straight man since 1972 has found what he was looking for in a refrigerator without assistance. In the early eighties we conditioned you to be oblivious to our new outfits and beauty salon trips. Then in a most bold move during the height of the Feinstein and Boxer campaigns we covertly began coming and going as we pleased, switching out operatives (you know them as wives and girlfriends) as needed. We have discovered that as long as we can master each others cooking styles men will not have a clue that the woman they married has been gone for years and is now working on other missions in an entirely different cell.
Why do we go public now? Because we are confident that straight men will see that this letter is signed by homosexual women designers and promptly dismiss it or not even bother to read it. We increasingly rely on these open communiques and have not been called on it yet.
As for Steven Catalano, surrender now. Resistance is futile and not conducive to building consensus. We encourage you to tell us your feelings and share a little frozen yogurt as we watch Will and Grace together. We also sternly warn you not to push this matter further. We have a fabulous and multicultural team of feminist and gay operatives working on an extra swishy pair of silk culottes in an understated shade of periwinkle just for you. We will not rest until you love them. Don’t force us to use on you the spiked heels, corsets, and hair chemicals that your people have forced on women for years. You will get our epiladies when you pry them from our cold, dead, and perfectly French manicured fingers!
Signed,
Women (and homosexuals) Of Manteca Engaged (to create gender) Neutrality
Manteca co-conspirator support network members:
Gramma Catalano (Lead strategist and roundtable discussion facilitator ret.)
I.M. asculine (co-chair of Uni-sex design infiltration cell)
Betty Likesmen
Siri S. Highlights
Ben D. Gender
Patty O. Teaparty
