Juba Kalamka: “DL” hype and the Ricki Lake Show ringin’ my phone (really)
Message: 2
From: “Juba Kalamka”
To: babn-chat@babn.org
Date: Wed, 13 Aug 2003 18:44:14 -0700
Subject: [babn-chat] “DL” hype and the Ricki Lake Show ringin’ my phone (really)
(To the reader: Dan Durkin is an assistant producer of “The Ricki Lake
Show”.)
————
Dear Mr. Durkin,
Following this email to you is a response by writer /activist Keith Boykin
regarding the recent New York Times Magazine cover story on the so-called
“DL” phenomena. I’m sending it to you because of my concern regarding our
recent phone conversation (8/12/03) about an upcoming taping of the Ricki
Lake Show.
Given the reputation of syndicated talk shows similar to The Ricki Lake
Show, I assumed immediately that your email requesting I contact you about
a show on “African-American homosexuality” was probably more re-tread of the
same racist, homophobic and fetishistic tripe that major media has become
fond of creating around Black queerness. I decided to talk to you anyway,
and make the fact that I did *public* so that any conversations around the
upcoming show wouldn’t exist in a “too little-too late” vacuum of comment by
members of the African-American and queer/LGBTI and HIV prevention
community nationwide.
Though I am not surprised, I’m deeply saddened and angered at the
motivations and intent of institutions like Columbia/Tri Star Television and
the seemingly thoughtless, unconsciable nature of the persons they employ as
producers. Lack of information and/or access is one issue…the intentional
spread of mis-information and ill will you are helping to foment in the name
of “entertainment” is another. Doing so at the expense of seriously
at-risk communities is grossly irresponsible at best and dare I say,
*diabolical* at worst.
I’m not naive enough to expect you or the producers of the show to change
your focus to something more holistic given your request that I help you
identify ,in your words, Black heterosexual female “victims” of the DL
“epidemic”.It’s clear that’s not what the show exists for. I question
whether or not you will read, let alone comprehend the gravity of this
issue and your hand in worsening the situation; given your purported
distance from said population,I don’t see a reason for you, like most folks
to even *care*.
What will come of this, I think is maybe some some small comfort (for me,at
least) in the knowing that someone *said something* to you about it, and
that other people are aware of that. Hopefully this will mean folks
somewhere will want to *do* something…maybe create some type of positive
public action/reaction prior to the show’s tentative airdate.
Knowledge is power, Mr. Durkin. After reading this,You can’t say that you
didn’t know, or that no one told you.
What are *you* going to do?
Sincerely, (and in the name of clarity)
Juba Kalamka aka Pointfivefag
co -founder Deep Dickollective
founder, Sugartruck Recordings
http://www.deepdickollective.com
http://sugartruck.tripod.com
and
Festival Director
East Bay LGBTI Pride 2003
http://www.eastbaypride.org
————————
“…God forbid the media tell stories about happy, well adjusted young black
men.”
Matt Wobensmith, of queer music label A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. Records commenting on
the sensationalistic “DL” stories in recent popular media.
——
from http://www.keithboykin.com
By Keith Boykin
August 4, 2003 02:39 AM
in sexuality
Two years after the media first discovered the down low, the New York Times
Magazine yesterday splashed the once secret lifestyle onto its front cover.
Today the Washington Post followed suit. Last week I flew to Atlanta for a
presentation about the down low at a CDC conference. And next February, a
new book on the down low will hit the stores. The down low is the story that
never seems to end.
I had planned to write about the down low today well before I read the New
York Times cover story yesterday or the Washington Post story today. The
idea came to me last Wednesday morning in Atlanta. During my 15-minute
presentation at the CDC HIV Prevention Conference, I questioned the need to
assign blame to men on the down low. Instead, I suggested that we create a
culture that destigmatizes homosexuality and bisexuality so men will not
feel the pressure to enter duplicitous relationships.
After I spoke, I was peppered with questions from the audience. Most of the
questions were easy to answer, but one struck right through me. A black
woman stood at the microphone and looked me directly in the face. “It
figures they would get a gay man to come up here and speak,” she said. “All
I hear from you is blame,” she went on. “You make it seem like black women
are the perpetrators. Until you’ve been in a relationship with a man for 14
years and had three kids and had him leave you for another man, then you
don’t understand,” she said.
I was stunned. She was right. I could hardly imagine the pain involved in
learning that my spouse had lied to me for 14 years. I’m sure she wanted to
hear from someone who could affirm her pain rather than question her rage.
That I could not do.
“Thank you for your comment,” I said. “I have three thoughts. First, I did
not select the panel, so I cannot take responsibility for who is or is not
on the stage. Second, I do hear your frustration, but I am not going to
apologize for being a gay man. Third, the purpose of my remarks is not to
blame black women, but I am also not hear to blame black men. My whole
point,” I said, “is that we need to get beyond the blame game.”
After the session ended, another black woman confronted me and told me my
comments were “insensitive” and “disrespectful.” Armed with a half-completed
evaluation sheet in her hand, she listened carefully as I tried to explain
my position. I got the sense that my comments might dictate her evaluation,
but I could not hold back my frustration. I’m sick of the down low.
The down low is not new. Men have been secretly having sex with men for
years before someone finally assigned a name to it. Just because the media
finally caught up to this reality doesn’t mean the entire black community
has to fall prey to this pattern of pathologizing and dividing our
community.
I’m told the down low is important now because black bisexual men are
infecting black women with HIV at alarming rates. I’m sorry, I don’t buy it.
Where was the media coverage when black men were having sex with men on the
down low and black women weren’t getting infected with HIV? Where was the
media coverage when black gay and bisexual men were dying of AIDS by the
thousands in the 80s and 90s? Why didn’t the media care about AIDS when they
were dying? And why are black men’s lives not worth covering unless we’re
supposedly killing somebody else?
Our obsession with the down low unnecessarily pits black men against black
women and reinforces existing negative public perceptions of black men.
Black men are constantly portrayed as the perpetrators of pathology. We are
repeatedly studied and examined for what we are said to do wrong, but these
analyses rarely attempt to understand the root causes of our behavior.
That’s not to say that black men are all blameless, but blame alone won’t
solve our problems.
That’s why the new move to vilify men on the down low is a mistake.
Vilifying men on the down low will not solve the problem with the down low.
Pointing fingers will only make the problem worse. I know that some women
and some down low educators are heavily invested in demonizing these men,
but I think that’s a complete waste of energy. Our resources would be better
spent on creating an environment where black men and women can talk candidly
and openly about sexual expression.
Sunday’s New York Times Magazine article may help inspire this dialogue. The
Times article was the most extensive I’ve ever read. Writer Benoit
Denizet-Lewis traveled to Cleveland and Atlanta to see what life on the down
looks like in those cities. What he found was a mix of personal stories,
secret lives and conflict that makes the down low so sexy and enticing.
The introduction to the piece set the tone for the article to follow. “To
their wives, they’re straight. To the men they have sex with, they’re
forging an exuberant new identity. To the gay world, they’re kidding
themselves. To health officials, they’re spreading AIDS throughout the black
community.”
Is it possible that they’re all wrong? Maybe some of the wives just don’t
want to deal with reality. Maybe men on the down low don’t think they’re
“forging an exuberant new identity.” Maybe some gay men should not be so
upset about the down low when they’re busy seeking “masculine” or
“straight-acting” men. And maybe, just maybe, men on the down low are not
primarily responsible for speading AIDS in the black community.
It seems to me the biggest problem with the down low in the black community
is our unwillingness to talk candidly about sex. When it comes to sex, we’ve
created a culture of lies. Women lie to themselves about their men. Men on
the down low lie about having sex with men. Men who are infected lie about
their HIV status. Gay men lie about their sexual interests. What makes us
think people are going to suddenly start telling the truth when we start
calling them dirty names?
The truth is we can’t deal with the down low until we learn to deal with our
hangups about sex. Unfortunately, that’s not going to happen anytime soon.
That’s why we have to accept personal responsibility for our behavior. This
is 2003 and we all know the deal. If you have unprotected sexual intercoure,
you’re putting yourself at risk. Period.
It doesn’t matter that your man is fine. It doesn’t matter that he’s good in
bed. It doesn’t matter that he looks like a man (whatever that’s supposed to
mean). If you don’t want HIV and you don’t want a baby, you have no excuse
for having sex without a condom.
It’s time to stop blaming other people and start accepting personal
responsibility for the spread of HIV. If you become positive after willingly
having unprotected, nonprocreative sex and you decide to blame your partner,
then you probably want to sue McDonald’s for making you fat too. Sure the
french fries aren’t healthy, but you knew that when you ate them.
For some reason, we in the black community just can’t seem to stay focused
about AIDS. First we denied it affected us. Then we ignored it because we
thought it only affected a few of us. Next we preached morality because we
thought it only affected the ones we didn’t like. Then we dramatized it as
we tried to figure out which secret laboratory developed it. At what point
do we just deal with it?
AIDS is a huge problem in our community. It doesn’t matter how we got here,
we’re here. It doesn’t matter how anyone got it, they have it. It doesn’t
matter who’s to blame. It matters how we respond to it. The big lie of the
down low is not just the lie men tell their women. No, the big lie is the
lie we tell ourselves - that it’s somebody else’s responsibility.
