Star Trek: Lost Episode Transcript
[My dad, who I infected with the Amiga virus in college, many moons ago, and who still uses it, sent me this after seeing it on an Amiga mailing list. -Thomas]
Star Trek: Lost Episode Transcript
Ok so this is dated and it’s from STNG. I just received this today,
thought it was pretty good ;-)
(Picard) “Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at
finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to
access their command pathways?”
(Geordi)”Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching
through our archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology.”
(Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen.)
(Riker looks puzzled.) “What the hell is ‘Microsoft’?”
(Data turns to answer.) “Allow me to explain. We will send this
program, for some reason called ‘Windows’, through the Borg command
pathways. Once inside their root command unit, it will begin
consuming system resources at an unstoppable rate.”
(Picard) “But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won’t they alter
their processing systems to increase their storage capacity?”
(Data) “Yes, Captain. But when ‘Windows’ detects this, it creates a
new version of itself known as an ‘upgrade’. The use of resources
increases exponentially with each iteration. The Borg will not be
able to adapt quickly enough. Eventually all of their processing
ability will be taken over and none will be available for their
normal operational functions.”
(Picard) “Excellent work. This is even better than that ‘unsolvable
geometric shape’ idea.”
(Data) “Captain, We have successfully installed the ‘Windows’ in the
command unit and as expected it immediately consumed 85% of all
resources. We however have not received any confirmation of the
expected ‘upgrade’.”
(Geordi) “Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg storage and
CPU capacity to compensate, but we still have no indication of
an ‘upgrade’ to compensate for their increase.”
(Picard) “Data, scan the history banks again and determine if their
is something we have missed.”
(Data) “Sir, I believe their is a reason for the failure in
the ‘upgrade’. Apparently the Borg have circumvented that part of the
plan by not sending in their registration cards.
(Riker) “Captain we have no choice. Requesting permission to begin
emergency escape sequence 3F . . .”
(Geordi, excited) “Wait, Captain I just detected their CPU capacity
has suddenly dropped to 0% !”
(Picard) “Data, what does your scanners show?”
(Data) “Apparently the Borg have found the internal ‘Windows’ module
named ‘Solitaire’ and it has used up all the CPU capacity.”
(Picard) “Lets wait and see how long this ’solitaire’ can reduce
their functionality.”
(Riker) “Geordi what’s the status on the Borg?”
(Geordi) “As expected the Borg are attempting to re-engineer to
compensate for increased CPU and storage demands, but each time they
successfully increase resources I have setup our closest deep space
monitor beacon to transmit more ‘windows’ modules from something
called the ‘Microsoft fun-pack’.
(Picard) “How much time will that buy us ?”
(Data) “Current Borg solution rates allow me to predicate an interest
time span of 6 more hours.”
(Geordi) “Captain, another vessel has entered our sector.”
(Picard) “Identify.”
(Data) “It appears to have markings very similar to the ‘Microsoft’
logo”
(Over the speakers) “THIS IS ADMIRAL BILL GATES OF THE MICROSOFT
FLAGSHIP MONOPOLY. WE HAVE POSITIVE CONFIRMATION OF UNREGISTERED
SOFTWARE IN THIS SECTOR. LOWER YOUR SHIELDS AND PREPARE TO BE
BOARDED. YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS TO COMPLY, RESISTANCE IS FUTILE.”
