New Survival Show
Have you heard about the next planned “Survivor” show? See if Trump could
handle this one!
Three businessmen and three businesswomen will be dropped into an
elementary school classroom for 6 weeks. Each businessperson will be
provided with a copy of his/her school district’s curriculum, and a class
of 28 students.
Each class will have five learning-disabled children, three with
A.D.D., one gifted child, and ten who speak limited English. Three will
have significant behavior problems.
Each business person must complete lesson plans at least 3 days in
advance with annotations for curriculum objectives and modify, organize, or
create materials accordingly. They will be required to teach students,
handle misconduct, implement technology, document attendance, write
referrals, correct homework, make bulletin boards, compute grades,
complete report cards, document benchmarks, communicate with parents, and
arrange parent conferences.
They must also supervise recess and monitor the hallways and monitor
bus lines. In addition, they will complete drills for fire, tornadoes
(*earthquakes), and shooting attacks. They must attend 40 hours of
workshops, faculty meetings, professional meetings, and curriculum
development meetings. They must also tutor those students who are behind
and strive to get their ten non-English-speaking children proficient enough
to take the STAR test. If they are sick or having a bad day, they must not
let it show.
Each day they must incorporate reading, writing, math, science, and social
studies into their program. They must maintain discipline and provide an
educationally stimulating environment at all times.
The business people will have access to the golf course only on weekends,
but on their new salary they will not be able to afford it anyway. There
will be no access to vendors who want to take them out to lunch, and lunch
will be limited to 45 minutes. On days when they do not have recess duty,
the business people will be permitted to use the staff restroom as long as
another survival candidate is supervising their class. They will be
provided with five, 15-minute breaks per week while their students are at
recess.
If the copier is operable, they may make copies of necessary
materials at this time. On rainy days, there will be no recess breaks so
survival candidates must entertain their class while praying for
exceptional control of bladder sphincters.
The business people must continually advance their education on their own
time, and pay for this advanced training themselves. This can be
accomplished by moonlighting at a second job or marrying someone with
money.
The winner will be allowed to return to his or her previous executive
level job. Pass this to your friends who think teaching is easy and to
the ones that know it is hard. They will both benefit.
