A Gnostic Creation Myth
Genesis Unplugged
The Fall of Man as seen from the Gnostic perspective
Once upon a very long time ago, when the very first Mommy and Daddy starred in the
world’s first piece of Reality Programming, an unexpected snafu occurred, the sort that
drives producers and program executives nuts. Mommy, whose name was Eve, began to
act up. She began to question the so-called reality of her show, which was known by the
title: GENESIS: In the Beginning.
Eve sat naked on her haunches beneath the forest canopy, alert as always to the sights
and sounds of Eden, while Daddy, who was called Adam, snored bearishly at her side.
Adam could not seem to get enough of the good things in the Garden, and spent much of
his day in a somnolent state, occasionally muttering, in the peculiar argot of those times,
“This is as good as it gets.”
Eve was not so sure. She had seen distorted faces reflected in dewdrops, heard urgent
things in the whisper of the giant ferns. Unsettling things. She had sensed the presence of
Others. And yet, there were no others, were there? Surely, the watchful eyes of the timid
tree creatures could not alone account for her feeling that she walked in the shadow of
another reality.
Adam’s belly was filled with the ripe fruit of the Garden; Eve’s belly was filled with Adam’s
seed. She touched her swollen breasts, and it was then she heard her own name called
from afar. She rose and followed the call to the depths of the forest, where there stood a
tree whose alluring red fruit she had been warned in a dream not to eat. Dangling by its
tail from a low branch was a creature with the body of a salamander and a face eerily
familiar to Eve, a face not unlike her own.
“Who? Are? You?” the serpent mouthed.
“I don’t know,” said Eve, not having thought a lot about it.
“Why play along,” the serpent asked, “when you know the show is rigged? Why remain in
prison when the cell door is open?”
“Where is this door?” asked Eve, innocently enough.
The serpent rolled its eyes upward, beyond the leafy canopy to the radiance above. Eve’s
gaze followed, and lingered, and when she looked again at the tree, the shiny, red fruit
was before her.
“Take. Eat,” said the serpent.
“Then I shall surely die,” said Eve.
“Only on television,” said the serpent. “Only to illusion.”
And Eve ate, and was amazed, and ran back to rouse Adam from his torpor, saying, “Try
this! It’s amazing!” Adam, never one to resist a new treat, ate also of the apple, and when
he had, turned to Eve and said, “Whoa.” He shook the sleep from his head, thumped his
chest and roared, presumably to the show’s seldom seen Producer, “Why didn’t you tell me
it was a setup?” With a mighty groan, he stood, took Eve’s hand and said, “Let’s get
dressed and get the hell out of here, honey. This is a sham.”
There were suddenly thunderous footfalls in the Garden, and Adam was sore afraid. When
he came in dreams, the show’s Producer had always been a petulant screamer, forever
reminding Adam of his contract and the dire consequences of asking too many questions.
A nasal voice on a bullhorn honked through Eden, causing the forest creatures to tremble.
“I AM THE GREAT AND POWERFUL IALDABAOTH, AND YOU TWO INGRATES WILL
NEVER WORK IN THIS TOWN AGAIN!”
And so began Eve and Adam’s long journey home. —A.W.H.
